Asking FMA Villains!
by FullMetalCanine
Summary: Ask an FMA villain a question! With your hosts, Spite, a homunculus, Kawaii, a Mary Sue, and Canine, the authoress. Every question I receive will be answered!
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, I made up a new series called: Asking FMA Villains!

It's basically interviewing random FMA villains, and yes, I'm counting Hoenhiem as a villain. That jerk abandoned both of his families for NO GOOD REASON! Truth will also be there, but only because we can't stop him.

There are some OC's including: A Mary Sue named Kawaii with great hair, and a homunculus named Spite who can run forever.

Let's begin!

Spite: Hello, everybody! Welcome to Asking FMA Villains!

Envy:(Grumbles) Why am I doing this?

Spite: Because you have no choice!

Kawaii: Hai, Envy-chan!

Envy: ...

Envy: Who are you?

Kawaii: My name is Diamond Robin Cloud Fanfic Mary Sue Kawaii Glitter! But you can call me Kawaii!

Envy: I'm calling you Stupid.

Spite: Anyway... Hi Envy!

Envy:(Looks around) I thought this was Asking FMA Villains. Where are the other villains?

Spite: Just you right now. The first chapter is dedicated to FullMetalFeline, so you have to be here.

Kawaii: Just you and me, Envy-chan!

Envy:(Shudders) So, what are the questions?

Spite: Well, since the story is new, we don't have any questions, so the Authoress should be coming in with some...

FullMetalCanine: Hey! Got the cards! Oh, hey Envy. FullMetalFeline, if you're watching this, just PM me and you can be a guest!

Envy: Wait a second? Does this FullMetalFeline know Vengeance?

Canine: Yup!

Envy:(Pales) I gotta get out of here!

Canine:(Eyes begin glowing) YOU FOOL! NO ONE CAN WITHSTAND THE MIGHT OF THE AUTHORESS!

Envy: ...

Canine:(Returns back to normal) I'm sure the audience is pretty bored. Spite! Continue.

Spite: Riight..anyway. First question: Envy, what is up with that hair?

Envy: It's cool!

Spite: But you could have any hair in the world! Why that?

Envy: It's memorable! I mean, you wouldn't remember Gluttony if he wasn't fat as hell! Or Greed if he wasn't already Ling! Or Wrath if he didn't look like a freaking homeless kid!

Spite: What about Lust?

Envy: ...

Envy: I'd rather not talk about that.

Spite: Second question: Why did you kill Hughes?

Envy: Because it was fun.

Canine:(Gets up) YOU NEED HAVE A BETTER REASON YOU SADISTIC MURDERING BASTARD!

Envy: I was ordered to. He knew too much.

Canine: O-okay. I need to- I need to be alone.

(Runs out sobbing)

Spite: Oh, Envy, we're going to have the villains have something done to them at the end of each chapter.

Envy: Damn it.

Spite: I can't think off any other questions, so this is the end of the chapter.

Envy: Damn it.

Spite: Ok Envy, you get to...MEET ELICIA!

Envy: Who's Elicia? A mass murderer?!

Canine: Hughes's daughter.

Envy: Oh.

Spite: And...HERE SHE IS!

Elicia: *Giggles*

Canine: Hey Elicia, this person is bad.

Elicia: Why?

Canine: Because he KILLED your father. For no good reason.

Elicia: W-what?

Envy: Yup, KILLED HIM. Because I could.

Canine: Okay, now Elicia, this is a chainsaw. Pull this little string here...

Envy: *Censored*

Spite: That's all folks! Remember to submit a question so we can ask your favorite villains! R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. This is based on the 2003 anime.

Spite: Welcome back to: Asking FMA Villains!

Envy: Oh joy.

Kawaii: Liek, Envy-chan will b mine!

Envy: ...

Spite: Anyway, please welcome...Envy!

Envy: Hey.

Spite: Both the Prides!

Pride(2003 and 2009): Hello.

Spite: Lust!

Lust: Nice to meet you.

Spite: Wrath!

Wrath: Hello!

Spite: Greed!

Greed: (Wiggles eyebrows) Hey..

Kawaii: Oooh!

Spite: Gluttony!

Gluttony: NOMNOMNOM!

Spite: Aand..! The SLLLOOOOTTTTHHS!

Envy: What was that for?

Spite: I don't know, the Authoress wills it.

Canine: Other villains are here as well, I just like the Homunculi more.

Spite: Ok, first question from Fullmetal Feline, Envy, do you bathe or just shapeshift the dirt off?

Envy: Shapeshift. Bathing takes forever.

Spite: Second question, from DisneyChick 2012, Isaac McDougal, how did you find out how messed up the higher ups were? Also, you really should have known better then to ask Kimblee for help.

Isaac: IT'S OBVIOUS! First, they said that the war started with someone shooting a little girl on accident, right? I mean, that couldn't have happened! Soldiers are trained with guns, they don't just go off!

Envy: Heey, a human that isn't a moron. Congrats, you found the starter of the Ishbalen civil war!

Isaac: Second, th- hey, what?

Envy: (Smirks)

Isaac: !

Spite: ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION, MCDOUGAL!

Isaac: Yeah. But that bastard-

Spite: MCDOUGAL!

Isaac: Okay, okay. Yeah, I knew that Kimblee was in jail, but I thought he was in jail because he tried to overthrow our corrupt government, not because he really, REALLY liked blowing up stuff.

Kimblee: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Spite: Shut up, Kimblee. The next question is from Not The Doctor, who asks Envy what his gender is. He/she also says, IF YOU'RE A BOY STOP WEARING SKORTS AND BARE MID-RIFFS!

Envy: I'm a boy, kid. I wear this stuff because it's comfortable. Besides, if girls can wear pants, then why can't I wear a skort?

Spite: ...You make a good point. Anyway, Not The Doctor has another question, this one for Hoenhiem. He/she asks why Hoenheim was flirting with Maria Ross in the 2003 anime.

Hoenheim: (Sweating) I...I don't know what you're talking about.

Spite: Riiight..

Envy: Wait a second, you cheated on my mother, then cheated on THAT woman too?

Canine: Then he told Dante he would always love Trisha.

Envy: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Spite: Settle down. Not The Doctor has a final question, for Lust. He/she asks: Lust, is it hard having to go by the name of Lust? Ever got any weird looks or remarks?

Lust: I usually go by Solaris, but for SOME REASON (smiles knowingly) most often people don't really pay attention to what I'm saying.

Envy: No idea why.

Wrath(2003): I wonder why?

Sloth(2003): Erm..maybe Lust isn't very interesting around humans, Wrath.

Spite: That must be it.

Canine: Okay, see you next time folks on...

All: Asking FMA Villains!


End file.
